On Saturday morning, and I damn something else to do but I took the time to write because I have 24 hours to do what I have done. So that's what I do I write to you I just want to talk with you, but here there is no internet lol. So I must use my imagination to give you the best of me without really getting lost in useless speculation ... What to talk about, everything and anything that goes through my head. There maybe other things but it will slip between the lines of a text like this incongruous. I will do everything (if you want to know) listening to an excellent and soaring album Noman, Michael Wislon project very interesting.
I sat working at this office as a big boy who can say no, in fact this work has stolen most of my life for 2 years. Valerie J'apelle to see if everything is okay if she needs me to relate something for dinner after work or whatever. Since the death of his mother a few weeks ago she was no longer the same attitude with me. She had become very boring and I saw the fateful moment of the break ahead, the rejection was so feared was soon to happen, but usually I always managed to make her change her mind ... This time I thought it was all a pass a moment of distress after the disappearance of her mèreet always come back as normal after.
That day I saw that in his voice there was something changed, she was holding something, it was cold and his tone was bitter and nasty. I asked him if everything was going well it does not respond I said, "It has to do with me, is not it? "She did not answer, I said in a confident tone that I would call the more wrong in my life," We'll talk when I get there tonight. .
My heart is pounding, I could do myself more rage and storm, all kinds of emotions I got into the spirit motivated by a single fear, rejection. As the day wore on, my mind became clouded and confused by too much emotion.
I stop here a moment to tell you how I'm writing these lines, I have tears in their eyes and sentenced to long ago who are remaining, not due to the girl, that makes long as I knew this girl was not really for me. But it reminds me of my inability to face any situation that came, for the first time in my life I look with pity. I pity that I must have looked, I would have liked to give me your hand and say do not worry I'm here. Anyway the situation was very different at that time.
That night I finished at 19.30, as usually happens over my replacement early, without me I pray party breakneck speed toward the house. I get there at 20:00 and, as usual, was upstairs at his computer to talk to I do not know which of his fantasy. She went down with a cold look completely and utterly expressionless, she said, "You wanted to talk" with that tone patronizing and arrogant that she could use some time with me. It a fact she had no respect for me, it was a failure, which means a failure. I motioned him to sit, trying not to let shine through my weakness, I felt myself vibrating with emotion in the room. Let's say if we could transform kinetic energy into emotions, part of the county of Portneuf no longer exist.
we sat face to face, my dinner before me that I had no desire to start. I had no hunger, just wanted to put the record straight.
8:25 p.m.
Me: - Are you okay? It
: - Mouin ...
Me: - What happens ...
It - Ben's ... eats ...
I took a few bites and then I continued the discussion with the question most fateful of all ...
Me: - You do not love me anymore huh?
It - You want to know the truth, (she never said things directly but chque times his lack of response was talking about his absence.)
Me: Ben there that do you think, I'm tired to feel the weight of your gaze on each of my
gestures.
What I did not say is that depusi few months I did nothing to correct, but I did everything all wrong, what was wrong. In fact I think she was trying to push me to the end and I did not want to sell. Then she disparaged, but good.
She: "I do not love you anymore ...
If, again, the emotions would be converted into kinetic energy, I think Portland and the town of Sainte-Croix n'existrerais more and a small tidal wave would have had place in the river ... My emotions mingled in a maelstrom of madness and delusion I could not feel the existence of my body, I sat in a void that I had become before her not knowing what to say, my mind became vortex, my head became tornado, my eyes Processed in rivers. I tried by all means know why but my mind had once again made spongy and soft to malangas with lumps of confusion.
I remember saying that it was the end of something the beginning of another, in fact I knew that something would happen since the day his mother died michel-center buckwheat, but I wanted to keep their eyes closed. But hey that's another story, security and everything.
But hey it was 8:37 p.m. my heart was crap and my skinny body a total loss, my life had more meaning and direction my life was over. But I like dévelloppé at that time a way to detach myself from all this. The ultimate poker face, a complete negation of what I was, because Mademoiselle did not want to rush his father, not cause I know she panics
So I lived with the said Mademoiselle from December to May. During this time she made me shimmer that could change everything, everything could go back, I had an accident with the car, she made me wait 2 hours for it to stay up later with friends. From December to May I wanted to pick up the pots, but I learned one thing we do not glue together broken pots we buy new ones.
After a few months she has started calling me asking me the money I owe him that money which are part of the repair of the car, in fact I already paid $ 1500 repairs on this car, it is 1100 men pay because Mademoiselle did not want help. I would have done the opposite we used both the car and I paid for the repairs on it. But what if that's life. But I admit it pisses me off royally. But I'll pay when I'm having the means and the means we know what is ... otus when they are students is rare, but like any other I'll eventually managed to regain the upper hand and pay.
This is a checkmark buggery rule
Last week she called and we made some small talk, then I explain that my life changes I need to see and do things differently, I told him that I am becoming different because I get rid of a little personality problem. According to her it was obvious it was a taboo subject ... I actually happened to the dawn of the post shit, what am I mixed a taboo subject, THAT WAS ON tabarnak CA ABOUT ME PTITE the Poor, taboo topic was you ... I agreed to move me over my pride and see that I was not always good. It's very egocentric to say that but me since I started you love me ...
Anyway enough small tantrums, time to prove me right ... wah anyway this is my story ...
T BUT WHICH TOE ...
Heum ... What are you talking about you want to know who I am ...
Heum ... Jean-Philippe Lambert ... 29 years ... student animation 2d-3d, graphic and security guard.
In fact I realize a longstanding dream of learning to make video games, I want to become creative director of production a day.
I
A bit naive, honest, frank, friendly, sometimes mysterious, a little secret, I hate deep discharge (but I work to accept it because nobody else but me puet not love me better than me),
I
meek, nervous, young at heart, mind and body, always tired, sometimes procrastinator, talented (that the 'they say, but apparently also the artist are his worst critic (I'm not you worry)), in search of happiness ...
I want children, I want to find me a stable life together finally with someone who will understand me and walk with me and with which I can walk.
I'm empathetic, open, loving, absurd ... pleasant.
I
